Before and After the Accident

Before and After, originally uploaded by shuebox.

I dislocating my shoulder snowboarding.  It wasn't a proud moment, in the least.  In fact, I have been beating myself up over the whole incident.  Three mood setting sentences have been running through my mind:

I am such an idiot! (Being hard on myself)

Poor me, I can't button my pants! (Feeling sorry for myself)

Everything will be OK... (Being optimistic, because...break into song and dance...the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar...)

What aggravates me even more, is the question "How did you hurt yourself?"  Usually, a simple "Snowboarding," isn't enough, they want the gory details.  Frankly, I just haven't been the mood to recollect the details.  There are two reasons for this; one, I don't remember and two, I don't want to keep re-living the fall.

All I remember is that my friend Bryan and I saw a patch of powder between the trees and he told me I could go first.  I hesitated and then I decided to go for it.  I went down and turned but caught my front edge and fell forward.  I tumbled on my face and then when I stopped tumbling my shoulder was hurt.  I was hunched over trying to understand what happened.  I simply don't know how I dislocated my shoulder.

So, I walked down, hugging myself and Bryan flagged down a resort mechanic driving a snowmobile.  He radio-ed ski patrol.  Joe, the first ski patrol medic told me that I dislocated my shoulder.  I was fairly calm and trying to hold in the pain.

He said, "You are one tough cookie."

I said, "I'm trying to be."

As Joe and Jim, the other nice patroller, were strapping me onto the emergency sled, they told me that if my hand starts going numb, to tell them.  After 20 minutes, it began to go numb.  I was already half way down the mountain and the pain became excruciating.  I couldn't move and my shoulder was throbbing.  I was drooling from the pain because I was trying to relax and stay calm, but it was unbearable. I was crying inside.  I have never experienced such a painful injury.

I arrived at the emergency clinic, stripped and then X-rayed.  The doctors explained I dislocated my shoulder and they were going to put it back in.  They said to create traction in my shoulder, they would have to lift up my arm and then push from behind.  I was in so much pain, but it increased that much more when they lifted my arm.  I wanted to cry but I couldn't.

I had to relax and not fight by tightening my muscles.  Then a few cracks and a lot of deep breadths later, my shoulder was back in place.  It was instant relief.

But that was only temporary.  I had extremely muscular and ligament pain afterwords.  That night I iced it as much as I could because the cool sensation balanced out the burning pain.  I could hardly move it and I was instructed to keep it close to my body for a week.

Since then, I have been icing regularly, had one session of Physical Therapy and an MRI (magnetic resonating imagery).  I have scheduled an Acupuncture appointment and will stay in the sling for another week.

I have never been injured like this before.  It has been humbling and frustrating.  I struggle to stay emotionally strong.  It is hard because I beat myself down or get anxious when I feel helpless.  For me, the hardest feeling is the loneliness.  I am living alone and I just moved up to Winter Park less than 2 months ago.  I have been slowly getting to know people but there is no one here I can really count on.

In the first place, I am not one to ask for help but being so far from the people that love me most has added strain.  I have to face the brunt of my handicap alone and I am too proud to ask.  I don't know anyone well enough to feel comfortable asking.  To some degree I need to admit when I am in need, however it is difficult to ask of people who don't know me well.

Beyond the humbling lesson, it has presented me with a new challenge; realizing I am not invincible and owning the responsibility of rehabilitating myself mentally and physically.  That seems funny just reading it, but I am nearly 30 and still under the delusion that I can do anything.  But my body has limits.

For now, I am doing small rotator cuff resistance exercises to start strengthening my ligaments.  I am trying to stay positive and remind myself not to dwell on the incident (it tends to bring me down).  Each day I have a little bit more mobility but I am trying to stay within my limits.

It boils down to understanding my limits and not trying to negotiate beyond.  Wow, so many life lessons to learn, it is just a matter of NOT learning them the hard way.

Comments

[Ella]

I am sorry to hear that you hurt your shoulder.Do you feel better now? After reading your passage I want to say you are so brave to bear the pain.If I were you I would have died.And you are so rich for you got so many experiences,so you should be proud of yourself.And everyone will meet difficulties, pains,loneliness...but all of these will past,so just face them optimistic.
I am well. I have finished my final exams and I'm on holiday now. we have two months of our winter holiday. It is nice to have such a long holiday.

[Sandy]

Ouchie... What's the spatula that's holding your arm in place? Well, it's better than breaking a bone. Don't worry, Shannon, you will heal, even though we're approaching 30. And don't forget to maintain its range of motion by stretching and using it -- hey, you might be able to detect the weather with your shoulder from now on. :)

[Flora]

Hi,Shannon,
I'm sorry to heart that!I hope that you will be better now.I remember that you have told us you like out-sports,so I hope you will be careful when you do these sports,also among your work time.hope you have a good luck!

[Shannon]

I don't exactly have a wooden paddle to stabilize my shoulder, but I have a sling. I am doing ok for the most part and I think things are slowly healing. I had acupuncture on it yesterday and I am going to Physical Therapy regularly. I still have another month of PT before I can assess the progress.

Thank you for the concern and for the well wishes.

Shannon

[Talia]

Shannon! That is nasty business. I am so sorry to hear it. You are a tough cookie though and I know you will bounce back and kick that mountain right in the butt! Or if not that mountain, another one! I am sending you lots of love and healing wishes.
:) xxxxoooxxoxoox ((((hug))))

[Shannon]

Talia, I still hate talking about it, but I am glad that i am slowly getting better. I don't know about kicking a mountain's butt...I have to find it first, but I am going to be much more careful. Thanks for the well wishes.