Hmmm

Hmmm, originally uploaded by shuebox.

On any given day, it is hard for me to know exactly what I want.  I think a great deal about my life and reflect on how to be a better person, and frankly, I've got that down, pat.  The larger challenge I am facing now is applying myself to a career and the long haul.  I am ready and wondering.

This all came about when I watched a recent episode of 60 minutes detailing the new generation of 20s and early 30s, called millennials, career warriors entering the workforce.  I am caught watching it with my mom, who has never directly told me to get myself in gear, but who I sense hoped I would take the story to heart.

The lesson went noticed. At one point in the story, Mary Crane, a coach for millennials, says, "They have climbed Mount Everest. They've been down to Machu Picchu to help excavate it. But they've never punched a time clock. They have no idea what it's like to actually be in an office at nine o'clock, with people handing them work."

That is entirely true for me; except instead of Mount Everest or Machu Picchu, it was China, Malawi, Czech Republic and a host of 20 other fascinating countries. I have never punched a time clock or been handed work to do.

The roots of my misfit past, which lives right up to today, are in my own fear of conformity and mudane-ness. It is all based on my perceptions of my peer's and my elder's life being sucked out of them without ever acting on their young dreams.  To me, young dreams are the visions of college students making a difference and finding inner happiness, before being confronted with marriage, mortgages and the middle of life.

Then dreams change.

Juxtaposing that with me, I haven't planned much beyond a few months in my life and I have so far gained a great deal of travel experience and personal growth. However, I have yet to devote myself to a single place to call home and make a life. When I think about where the need to travel and constantly move comes from, I cannot come up with a good answer. I know that when I am traveling and exploring, I feel incredible joy and the time away has enabled me to understand my identity in greater detail.

But all those things have come at a cost to my friends and family, both recognizable and hidden. I cannot necessarily speak about the hidden sacrifices, because they are hidden. What I see in my friends is a lack of shared space that results in either a lot of catching up or friends disappearing. Friends often disappear because they thrive on the daily interactions and informal conversations that can organically form when I am not far away.

The friends that have persevered beyond and have stayed with me through my various travels abroad are more dear to me because they are a reminder of my past. They remind me of a place where I lived down the street and could informally invite myself over to hang out.

These friends also represent a journey through my travels to keep in touch, through an occasional email or phone call, some even with a visit abroad. So now I am in a situation where I am deciding to settle in.

I am still trying to understand what is societally expected of me, but I am more than ready to join the workforce. I also want to be seen as able to perform within corporate America and show that I am able to commit my time and energy. As mentioned in the 60 minutes story on Millennials with Morley Safer, I am aware of my moving tendencies and would like to get away from that.

It is important for me and for anyone to hires me to know that I am flexible and willing to take on a great deal of new opportunities for the chance to broaden my skills and learn new things. At this point in my life, I feel able to do anything, which feel as if it works against me. I am spoiled for choice.

I have spent my days thinking about what I want and then I will pursue it. I want to gain experience in the corporate world, particularly in sales management, international business and working to create effective global team members. Those may all seem lofty and grand however I feel that my international experiences should strengthen my job prospects.

To take a step back, I ask myself what am I good at. I am great with people and I enjoy reading and talking about issues on a macro-level. For example, I like learning and discussing Chinese economics and the impact globalization has individuals in the US.

When I look at myself, I think of a run-a-way horse, I need to be corralled and harnessed but I am completely ridable. I need to be nudged in the right direction.